Listening:
by Ania Malkowska-Leek
I feel that our greatest desire and need is to be listened to and to be heard.
It does not have to be on a stage or TV or a movie or in front of thousands of people. We want to be understood. We want to be listened to.
As children, our signals are sometime misunderstood, especially before we are able to verbalize our thoughts, and therefore we have Tantrums!
As we grow in our childhood, we begin to realize that our parents are not Super Heroes, and neither are other grownups. We realize that they do not always listen to what we say. They are too busy dealing with their and our every day needs, which all families seem to go through. We Hear and observe their automatic responses.
Some children are listened to more than others. Either by caring parents, or benevolent grandparents who have the time to sit, love, and listen. A little later on, in adolescence, there seems to be this strange stage of not listening, or being listened to: (I still am learning to say to myself (zip your mouth and just listen!) I am tired of the 3 threat statement 1)honey could you please tidy your room and make your bed? answer, Yea, 2 hours later, 2) Honey could you please tidy your room? Yea, Yea. 3) (1 hour later, Could you do it NOW before you go out?!!!! Ok Ok ! Geese!! Keep your hair on!! I heard you the first time!!!
Sometimes, out of the blue, my wonderful adolescent daughter will start talking to me; instead of the eye rolling and monosyllables; I am usually preparing dinner at that time or am on a tight schedule. But I know that this is important and I make myself turn off everything and LISTEN!!!
Listening is not just an oral phenomenon, it is also visual.
We need to listen and look. Body language can tell us a lot about how someone is feeling. Also, let us not forget, when some one is blind, their hearing becomes more acute.
Listening and understanding is also such an important part of seeking wisdom. Close your eyes and listen: sometimes we can listen more effectively with our eyes closed.
I would like to share with you all, a meditation and some ancient Sufi stories.
David and I used this simple meditation as part of our wedding ceremony 25 years ago. I would like to introduce it to you; Listening to the furthest sound. Feel your body comfortable, both feet on the floor; let your eyes droop and un focus; let your breath inhale and exhale gently. Let whatever external sounds wash over you. (give some time for the congregation to settle) listen at first to the sounds close to you then let your hearing spread out of the chapel as far as your ears can hear; you may feel the sound of you heart, let your breath come in and out as it wishes to. Inhale and exhale gently.
Sufi stories; They are rather like Christian parables.
They are wonderful stories to listen to, and have the same resonance.
First of all what is a Sufi or a Dervish?
They were the Muslim equivilent of a monk or friar. They were known for their extreme poverty and austerity. They were known as a source of wisdom, medicine, poetry, enlightenment and witticisisms.
Here are some Sufi stories derived from Tales of the Dervish. These stories are often thousands of years old and are closely linked with many of our fables and fairy tailes.
Sit back, relax , listen and breath!!!!!!
Let me tell you a story
1)The Man Who Walked On Water
A conventionally-minded dervish, from an austere pious school, was walking one day along a river bank. He was absorbed in concentration upon moralistic and scholastic problems, for this was the form which sufi teaching had taken in the community to which he belonged. He equated emotional religion with the search for the ultimate truth.
Suddenly his thoughts were interrupted by a loud shout: someone was repeating the dervish call. There is no point in that he said to himself, because the man is mispronouncing the syllables. Instead of intoning YA HU< he is saying U YA HU.
Then he realized that he had a duty, as a more careful student, to correct this unfortunate person, who might have had no opportunity of being rightly guided, and was therefore probably doing his best to attune himself with the idea behind the sounds.
So he hired a boat and made his way to the island in midstream from which the sound appeared to come.
Sitting in a reed hut he found a man,dressed in dervish robe, moving in time to his own repetition of the initiatory phrase. My friend, said the first dervish,you are mispronouncing the phrase.It is incumbent upon me to tell you this, because there is merit for him who gives and him who takes advice. This is they way in which you speak it. And he told him.
Thank you said the other dervish humbly.
The first dervish entered his boat again, full of satisfaction at having done a good deed. After all, it was said that a man who could repeat the sacred formula correctly could even walk upon the waves: something he had never seen, but always hoped for- some reason- to be able to achieve.
Now he could hear nothing from the reed hut, but he was sure that his lesson had been well taken.
Then he heard a faltering U YA as the second dervish started to repeat the phrase in his old way
.
While the first dervish was thinking about this, reflecting upon the perseverity of humanity and its persistence in error, he suddenly saw a strange sight. From the island the other dervish was coming towards him, walking on the surface of the water
Amazed, he stopped rowing. The second dervish walked up to him and said:Brother, I am sorry to trouble you, but I have to come out and ask you again the standard method of making the repetition you were telling me, because I find it difficult to remember it.
2)Fatima the Spinner and the Tent
Once in a city in the Farthest West there lived a girl called Fatima. She was the daughter of a prosperous spinner. One day her father said to her: Come, daughter; we are going on a journey, for I have business in the islands of the Middle Sea. Perhaps you may find some handsome youth in a good situation whom you could take as a husband.
They set off and traveled from island to island, the father doing his trading while Fatima dreamt of the husband who might soon be hers. One day however, they were on the way to Crete when a storm blew up, and the ship was wrecked. Fatima, only half-conscious, was cast up on the seashore near Alexandria. Her father was dead, and she was utterly destitute.
She could only remember dimly her life until then, for her experience of the shipwreck, and her exposure in the sea, had utterly exhausted her.
While she was wandering on the sands, a family of cloth-makers found her. Although they were poor, they took her into their humble home and taught her their craft. Thus it was that she made a second life for herself, and within a year or two she was happy and reconciled to her lot. But one day, when she was on the seashore for some reason, a band of slave-traders landed and carried her, along with other captives, away with them.
Although she bitterly lamented her lot, Fatima found no sympathy from the slavers, who took her to Istanbul and sold her as a slave.
Her world had collapsed for the second time. Now it chanced that there were few buyers at the market. One of them was a man who was looking for slaves to work in his woodyard, where he made masts for ships. When he saw the dejection of the unfortunate Fatima, he decided to buy her, thinking that in this way, at least, he might be able to give her a slightly better life than if she were bought by someone else.
He took Fatima to his home, intending to make her a serving-maid for his wife. When he arrived at the house, however, he found that he had lost all his money in a cargo which had been captured by pirates. He could not afford workers, so he, Fatima and his wife were left alone to work at the heavy labour of making masts.
Fatima, grateful to her employer for rescuing her, worked so hard and so well that he gave her her freedom, and she became his trusted helper. Thus it was that she became comparatively happy in her third career.
One day he said to her: Fatima, I want you to go with a cargo of ships masts to Java, as my agent, and be sure that you sell them at a profit.
She set off, but when the ship was off the coast of China a typhoon wrecked it, and Fatima found herself again cast up on the seashore of a strange land. Once again she wept bitterly, for she felt that nothing in her life was working in accordance with expectation. Whenever things seemed to be going well, something came and destroyed all her hopes.
Why is it, she cried out, for the third time, that whenever I try to do something it comes to grief? Why should so many unfortunate things happen to me? But there was no answer. So she picked herself up from the sand, and started to walk inland.
Now it so happened that nobody in china had heard of Fatima, or knew anything about her troubles. But there was a legend that a certain stranger, a woman, would one day arrive there, and that she would be able to make a tent for the Emperor. And, since there was as yet nobody in china who could make tents, everyone looked upon the fulfillment of this prediction with the liveliest anticipation.
In order to make sure that this stranger, when she arrived, would not be missed, successive Emperors of China had followed the custom of sending heralds, once a year, to all the towns and villages of the land, asking for any foreign woman to be produced at court.
When Fatima stumbled into a town by the Chinese seashore, it was one such occasion. The people spoke to her through an interpreter, and explained that she would have to go to see the Emperor.
Lady, said the Emperor, when Fatima was brought before him, can you make a tent?
I think so, said Fatima.
She asked for rope, but there was none to be had. So, remembering her time as a spinner, she collected flax and made ropes. Then she asked for stout cloth, but the Chinese had none of the kind which she needed. So, drawing on her experience with the weavers of Alexandria, she made some stout tentcloth. Then she found that she needed tent-poles, but there were none in China. So Fatima, remembering how she had been trained by the wood-fashioner of Istanbul, cunningly made stout tent-poles. When these were ready, she racked her brains for the memory of all the tents she had seen in her travels: and lo, a tent was made.
When this wonder was revealed to the Emperor of China, he offered Fatima the fulfillment of any wish she cared to name. She chose to settle in China, where she married a handsome prince, and where she remained in happiness, surrounded by her children until the end of her days.
It was through these adventures that Fatima realized that what had appeared to be on unpleasant experience at the time, turned out to be an essential part of the making of her ultimate happiness.
This story is well known in Greek folklore, many of whose contemporary motifs feature dervishes and their legends. The version cited here is attributed to the Sheikh Mohamed Jamaludin of Adrianople. He founded the Jamalia Order (The Beautiful), and died in 1750.
When the stories are ended
.finish with
let us be open to
listening to each other with respect, in our family, in our community, in our country and in our world.
.Amen
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